Getting down on all fours and imitating a rhinoceros stops babies from crying. (Put an empty cigarette pack on your nose for a horn and make loud "sn….

The real slums are another matter. The bad parts of Tondo are as bad as any place I've seen, ancient, filthy houses swarmed with the poor and stinkin….

Commies love concrete..

What would annoy the most people most often? That is the true left-wing test of government intervention..

Everything on a boat has a different name than it would have if it weren't on a boat. Either this is ancient seafaring tradition or it's how people w….

Harvard has been almost as important to the American Jewish community as the pork-sausage industry..

Moscow has changed. I was here in 1982, during the Brezhnev twilight, and things are better now. For instance, they've got litter. In 1982 there was ….

A pleasant natural environment is a good - a luxury good, philosophical good, a moral goody-good, a good time for all. Whatever, we want it. If we wa….

I started reading Hunter S. Thompson when I was in college..

Smoking crack is a way for people who couldn't afford college to study the works of Charles Darwin..

Everything that's fun in life is dangerous. Horse races, for instance, are very dangerous. But attempt to design a safe horse and the result is a cow….

I figured if I could put together being funny about stuff and actual events, maybe I could do something that wasn't being done much. Because the repo….

The Chinese had gunpowder, but it didn't occur to them to put it in a gun. They possessed the compass but didn't go anywhere. They invented paper, pr….

Freedom is not empowerment. Empowerment is what the Serbs have in Bosnia. Anybody can grab a gun and be empowered. It's not entitlement. An entitleme….

In case we have to shoot Democrats. It happened during the Civil War, and it could happen again..

If I give up drinking, smoking, and fatty foods, I can add ten years to my life. Trouble is, I'll add it to the wrong end..

Lampoon ran out of steam in the early '80s, and wasn't able to reinvent itself because it ran out of talent. People who wanted to do this kind of stu….

Pollution is a problem, and there's the whole problem of the spoiling of the commons, but we've addressed the pollution problem on a variety of diffe….

Apparently Bolivia is the key source of lithium in the world. So we're gonna trade the Saudis for the Bolivians..

...let's talk about soccer scores. There are a few things that people all around the world need to admit to themselves. Trade restraints slow economi….

Germans respond well to lies. At least, they always have historically..