My husband says, 'Roseanne, don't you think we ought to talk about our sexual problems?' Like I'm gonna turn off Wheel of Fortune for that..

TV family sitcoms have always been about fathers who know best and mothers who are so enchanted with everything they do. I wanted to be the first mom….

Those who can't do, teach. And, as Woody Allen says, those who can't teach, teach gym. And, as I say, those who can't teach gym become experts. That'….

You can really learn from Donahue. I didn't know you could be a woman in a man's body. You go out and you can't parallel park..

I have a fierce eating disorder that has survived even bariatric surgery. I got even fatter after that! Hey, maybe fat people are just trying to get ….

politics and religion in the United States work like the twin grips of a pair of pliers on a critical mass of the masses..

I hold to nothing but envisioning international peace and utopia. We all have many more things in common than not..

Women complain about PMS, but I think of it as the only time of the month when I can be myself..

As long as your abuser has you scared, you will stay in the cycle of abuse. Thinking of solutions helps you to escape..

I used to play Barbies with my Mormon neighbor friend; it was always, "Oh, we're going to go on a date. Ken's taking us out, and we're going with Ken….

Birth control that really works - every night before we go to bed we spend an hour with our kids..

The fact that my grown kids like to hang out with me, I mean, it just - I don't think it really can get any better than that, I don't think..

I always felt that it was easier to take a funny person and teach them to write television than to take somebody who was a television writer and make….

I like it when very little children think for themselves, because they do not have access to car keys or credit cards or crack pipes, but they have s….

I used to want to be a movie star so I wouldn't have to live in trailers anymore. And now that I make movies, I spend a lot of my life living in trai….

Eat as much as you'd like. My philosophy has always been that all women desire to be as fat as myself but just have a great fear of doing so. Because….

The basic thing is, people want to get paid, so they'll say the things that get them paid, in entertainment or politics..

Comedy is the only hope for humanity..

Self-esteem is the goddamn root of all evil..

Why have I been chosen to deliver the message of female intelligence and its divinity to a deaf world of males? I have asked my god that question and….

Experts say you should never hit your children in anger. When is a good time? When you're feeling festive?.