Labeling and diagnosis is a catastrophic way to communicate. Telling other people what's wrong with them greatly reduces, almost to zero, the probability that we're going to get what we're after.
Marshall B. RosenbergRead
Ask before offering advice or reassurance.
Interpretation
Consider asking others what they need before providing them with advice or comfort.
This quote emphasizes the importance of understanding others' needs and desires before jumping in with advice or reassurance. By asking first, we can better support those around us and ensure that our help is both welcome and appropriate, fostering stronger and more empathetic relationships.
In practice
This quote can be used in a workshop about effective communication in relationships.
Labeling and diagnosis is a catastrophic way to communicate. Telling other people what's wrong with them greatly reduces, almost to zero, the probability that we're going to get what we're after.
Whether I praise or criticize someone's action, I imply that I am their judge, that I'm engaged in rating them or what they have done.
In nonviolent communication, no matter what words others may use to express themselves, we simply listen for their observations, feelings, needs, and requests. Then we may wish to reflect back, paraphrasing what we have understood. We stay with empathy, allowing others the opportunity to fully express themselves before we turn our attention to solutions or requests for relief.
All that has been integrated into NVC has been known for centuries about consciousness, language, communication skills, and use of power that enable us to maintain a perspective of empathy for ourselves and others, even under trying conditions.
The punitive use of force tends to generate hostility and to reinforce resistance to the very behavior we are seeking.
Expressing our vulnerability can help resolve conflicts.
In this selfish world, the one that never deserts him, the one that never proves ungrateful or treacherous, is his dog.
At the bottom of things, most people want to be understood and appreciated.
I'm very fortunate to have a coach that I got to stay with all this time. Every year the bond gets stronger and better, and we understand each other more. And it's like she can tell if I walk into the gym what kind of mood I'm in, what she has to fix for the practice I need, or how I'm feeling.
Perhaps one did not want to be loved so much as to be understood.
We need Grace and forgiveness.
If he didn't care about you, you couldn't upset him.
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