The double bind lowers its boom on women in positions of authority, so those who haven't yet risen to such positions have not yet felt its full weight.
Interpretation
The double bind creates unique challenges for women in authority that are often unrecognized by those who have not yet attained such positions.
Deborah Tannen's quote speaks to the complex societal pressures women face in leadership roles, particularly the double bind phenomenon where they must navigate conflicting expectations of being both authoritative and likable. This challenge is often invisible to those who have not yet experienced the weight of such expectations, highlighting a significant barrier for women's advancement in the workplace.
In practice
During a women's leadership conference to highlight the challenges women in authority face.
Women as mothers grapple with corresponding contradictions. The adoration they feel for their grown daughters, mixed with the sense of responsibility for their well-being, can be overwhelming, matched only by the hurt they feel when their attempts to help or just stay connected are rebuffed or even excoriated as criticism or devilish interference.
Sister relationships span a huge range, from best friends to worst enemies. From 'I adore her; I talk to her five times a day' to 'I decided to cut her out of my life.' For most women, it's in between.
The trickiest thing about the double bind is that it operates imperceptibly, like shots from a gun with a silencer.
For most women, the language of conversation is primarily a language of rapport: a way of establishing connections and negotiating relationships.
Mothers and daughters find in each other the source of great comfort but also of great pain. We talk to each other in better and worse ways than we talk to anyone else.
Our spirits are corroded by living in an atmosphere of unrelenting contention - an argument culture.
A cardinal principle of Total Quality escapes too many managers: you cannot continuously improve interdependent systems and processes until you progressively perfect interdependent, interpersonal relationships.
You cannot allow any of your people to avoid the brutal facts. If they start living in a dream world, it's going to be bad.
The key to coaching is love. It's not knowledge; it's not discipline. If you love 'em, you can discipline them. If you love 'em, you can yell at them and laugh about it later.
In your hands, my dissatisfied fellow countrymen, and not in mine, is the momentous issue of civil war. The government will not assail you.... You have no oath registered in Heaven to destroy the government, while I shall have the most solemn one to preserve, protect and defend it.
What leaders have to remember is that somewhere under the somnolent surface is the creature that builds civilizations, the dreamer of dreams, the risk taker. And remembering that, the leader must reach down to the springs that never dry up, the ever-fresh springs of the human spirit.
When one treats people with benevolence, justice and righteousness, and reposes confidence in them, the army will be united in mind and all will be happy to serve their leaders.
Subscribe for the occasional hand-picked quote. No noise.