Quotes on Humor

A sense of humor is the ability to understand a joke-and that the joke is oneself.

When we played softball, I'd steal second base, feel guilty and go back.

I am not afraid of death. I just don't want to be there when it happens.

There's no difference between fame and infamy now. There's a new school of professional famous people that don't do anything. They don't create anything.

Hearing Mass is the ceremony I most favor during my travels. Church is the only place where someone speaks to me and I do not have to answer back.

I think the next best thing to solving a problem is finding some humor in it.

A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject.

Laws are not masters but servants, and he rules them who obey them.

If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.

We don't apologize for a joke. We are comics. We are here to make you laugh. If you don't get it, then don't watch us.

I've just read that I am dead. Don't forget to delete me from your list of subscribers.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.

Last week I told my psychiatrist, 'I keep thinking about suicide', and he told me from now I have to pay in advance.

Knavery and flattery are blood relations.

Avoid popularity if you would have peace.

The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.

The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because they are generally the same people.

If the cops didn't see it, I didn't do it!

God bless the homicidal maniacs. They make life worthwhile.

No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.