Quotes on Witty

Knowledge is realizing that the street is one way; wisdom is looking in both directions anyway.

The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.

The coffee is prepared in such a way that it makes those who drink it witty: at least there is not a single soul who, on quitting the house, does not believe himself four times wittier that when he entered it.

Sons branch out, but one woman leads to another.

Men write many fine and plausible arguments in support of monarchy, but the fact remains that where every man has a voice, brutal laws are impossible

If you wanted nothing done at all, Balfour was the man for the job.

One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives.

'I am' is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that 'I do' is the longest sentence?

Give me a smart idiot over a stupid genius any day.

I praise God for you, sir: your reasons at dinner have been sharp and sententious; pleasant without scurrility, witty without affectation, audacious without impudency, learned without opinion, and strange with-out heresy.

What I need is a woman who is something, anything: either very beautiful or very kind or in the last resort very wicked; very witty or very stupid, but something.

Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

People always tell me "Have a nice day." Well what if I don't want to? What if I want to have a crappy day?

How can He be perfect? Everything He ever makes...dies.

Conservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers.

If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn’t the whole airplane made out of that stuff?

The mystery of government is not how Washington works but how to make it stop.

Can anything be more disgusting than to hear people called 'educated' making small jokes about eating ham, and showing themselves empty of any real knowledge as to the relation of their own social and religious life to the history of the people they think themselves witty in insulting? [...] The best thing that can be said of it is, that it is a sign of the intellectual narrowness—in plain English, the stupidity which is still the average mark of our culture.

That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.

People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.