I think the fear of humiliating yourself on stage always motivates me to give at least 90 percent. I've definitely been guilty of leaning on the mic ….

I'm an idiot, basically. I don't think that I'm a dumb guy, but I also realise that I have access to about 0.1 percent of the information that I need….

I was scared to death because for the comics of my generation, HBO specials are like the pinnacle. I'm thinking of all these unbelievable comedians I….

I've had a great time on the road, I would say shooting guns with a silencer in Jacksonville, Fla..

You have no idea how long a year is until you’re stone sober..

My favorite kind of humor is basically, if it was happening to you, it wouldn't be funny, but to observe it, it's hilarious..

I'm one of those guys like whatever the situation is, as long as people are cool and everybody is trying to be funny, I have a good time..

My career has been a slow burn, so waiting to do the Edinburgh Festival was a smart move. If I'd spent a month there 10-15 years ago, there's no way ….

I am so pro-swine flu it's - it's like ridiculous..

If I can sell out clubs and theaters and play dirtbags in movies, and get blown up in a car or get the crap beat out of me in a movie, that's good fo….

You're not chasing syndication any more. It used to be a big thing. "Let's make 100 episodes and we'll get paid for life". You know? And what does th….

It's a whole new world as far as getting a show on the air. There's good things and bad things..

I keep doing specials because I think there are a lot of people who make movies and TV who are fans of comedy - if they start to like you, they'll ge….

I was certified to take x-rays, but you can't just show up and start cleaning people's teeth..

Nothing worse than when a 6 acts like a 10..

I'm a standup comedian who gets to act. I'm never going to not do standup. I love doing it and when I go through periods where I'm doing a lot of act….

I'm not easy to live with. My wife is a saint..

I'm also disappointed in the Democrats that Hillary [Clintom] was the best they could get - It just keeps going back to Bush's and Clinton's - I'm si….

When I was coming up the DC Improv was considered the best Improv out there. It's always been high quality stuff coming out of there..

I think I know how to raise a kid. You just play catch with 'em. You just talk about life, and you distract them by throwing the ball. They don't eve….

I am so pro-swine flu... I want it. We need a plague. It's got to happen; don't be afraid. It's only going to kill the weak..