Go figure a crazy, mixed-up country where ballet outsells boxing. I wouldn't be surprised if their wrestling was on the level..

The workers love Khrushchev very much. He hasn't got an enemy in the entire country. Quite a few under it..

The Governor has no presidential aspirations. In fact he just made a tour of 43 states just to tell them he's not running for anything..

It sure has been a pleasure for us to broadcast for the sailors and soldiers; besides, its part of the National Defence Program to prepare our boys f….

Kids are wonderful, but I like mine barbecued..

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends..

You've got to be rich to have a swing like that..

When they asked Jack Benny to do something for the Actor's Orphanage - he shot both his parents and moved in..

A photographer kept shooting me every time I swung. I was very flattered until I found out he was from Field and Stream..

At the Academy Award Dinners all the actors and actresses in Hollywood gather around to see what someone else thinks about their acting besides their….

Pebble Beach is Alcatraz with grass..

Your ignorance cramps my conversation.

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it..

I'm so old they've cancelled my blood type..

It gave dirty politics a bad name..

If my golf game was a prize fight, they'd stop it..

Be happy you guys. Be proud! You know what you are: you're God's frozen people..

I always like to go to Washington D.C. It gives me a chance to visit my money..

The audience was swell. They were so polite they covered their mouths when they yawned..

Not that they were that anxious to see Ronnie as President; they were afraid if he didn't get elected, he'd go back to acting..

A sense of humor is good for you. Have you ever heard of a laughing hyena with heart burn?.