Television. That's where movies go when they die..

I led such a sheltered life I didn't go out with girls until I was almost four..

I don't know if the presidential candidates are running for the White House or Animal House..

Arnold Palmer is the biggest crowd pleaser since the invention of the portable sanitary facility..

Happiness is watching the TV at your girlfriend's house during a power failure..

Zsa Zsa Gabor got married as a one-off, and it was so successful she turned it into a series..

Today's ballroom dances like the swim, the frug, the chicken and the monkey are really nervous disorders set to music..

One of the greatest gifts to mankind is laughter, and one of the greatest gifts to laughter is Lucille Ball. God has her now but thanks to television….

I need money. I have a staff of 30, and four houses, never mind the government, to support..

Whenever I play with him , I usually try to make it a foursome - the President, myself, a paramedic and a faith healer..

The last time I played golf with President Ford he hit a birdie. And an eagle, a moose, an elk, an aardvark....

US President Gerald Ford's golf was so bad we thought he was a 'Hitman for the PGA!.

Seventy years of ad-lib material, and I am speechless..

Having so many gold courses so close together was ideal for me. With my slice I could enjoy three or four golf courses at the same time..

I just hope I don't have to explain all the times I've used His name in vain when I get up there..

Bing Crosby and I play a lot of golf together and I have a small course at my place where we often play for side stakes. The only troulbe is that whe….

Cypress Point is such a beautiful place, but it's also very exclusive. They had a very successful membership drive last month. They drove out forty m….

Drugs are very much a part of professional sports today, but when you think about it, golf is the only sport where the players aren't penalized for b….

If I'm on the course and lightning starts, I get inside fast. If God wants to play through, let him..

You never get tired unless you stop and take time for it..

I once showed Pat Bradley my swing and said, 'What do I do next?' Pat replied, 'Wait till the pain dies down.'.