On one hole, I hit an alligator so hard, he's now my golf bag..

If I had that kind of money, I wouldn't come to Vietnam, I'd send for it..

Golf is a hard game to figure. One day you will go out and slice it and shank it, hit into all the traps and miss every green. The next day you go ou….

The place was so British, I wouldn't have been surprised if the mice wore monocles..

Isn't it fun to go out on the course and lie in the sun?.

When we recall the past, we usually find that it is the simplest things - not the great occasions - that in retrospect give off the greatest glow of ….

My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do….

He was bare chested and in good trim. I said that just looking at him I knew there would always be an England.

I tell jokes to pay my green fees..

My old friend Jack Benny has only had one ball all his golfing life. And now he's lost it. The string came off!.

In his prime, the young comic walked onto a stage with the confidence of a man who owned it, and by the time he walked off, he did..

I see the Beatles have arrived from England. They were 40 pounds overweight - and that was just their hair..

For the first time, you can actually see the losers turn green.

Now that the war is winding down, I want to say I do appreciate you fellows hanging around here - just for me..

I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful..

A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live..

My folks were English . . . we were too poor to be British..

You know what a fan letter is - it's just an inky raspberry..

They'll always be an England, even if it's in Hollywood..

Most of the people who came for dancing lessons had Rumba ambitions and minuet bodies.

The old water heater in my dressing room was working, but it was kind of tired. It gave off about as much warmth as an agent's handshake..