I like persons better than principles, and I like persons with no principles better than anything else in the world..

I have imbibed such a love for money that I keep some sequins in a drawer to count, and cry over them once a week..

History teaches us virtue, but nature never ceases to teachh us vice..

My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet..

Life is laughter when seen in a long shot, but it is a tragedy when seen in a close-up..

Economy is a subject which admits of being treated with levity, but it cannot so be disposed of..

Money enhances a man, yes, as beauty enhances a woman..

Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be..

There are many talented English personalities, but unfortunately they were all in Hollywood..

Our society must make it right and possible for old people not to fear the young or be deserted by them, for the test of a civilization is the way th….

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde..

I was so poor growing up...if I wasn't a boy...I'd have nothing to play with..

There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments..

My dog is half pit bull, half poodle. Not much of a watchdog, but a vicious gossip!.

Anything that gets you to release the stress in your life and really laugh is worthwhile. It can heal the planet. It truly can, and it actually has..

I went to see my doctor... Doctor Vidi-boom-ba. Yeah...I told him once, "Doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror I feel like throw….

I sometimes give myself admirable advice, but I am incapable of taking it..

I was showing early symptoms of becoming a professional baseball man. I was lying to the press..

There's one thing about baldness, it's neat..

A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but won't cross the street to vote in a national election..

Big sisters are the crab grass in the lawn of life..