I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio..

The court is like a palace of marble; it's composed of people very hard and very polished..

The most wasted of all days is one without laughter..

A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home..

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that..

Doctor told me I've got two weeks to live. I said: "Can I have the last week in July and the 1st week in August?".

There is a level of cowardice lower than that of the conformist: the fashionable non-conformist..

There is a misleading, unwritten rule that states if a quote giving advice comes from someone famous, very old, or Greek, then it must be good advice..

There is nothing that can be said by mathematical symbols and relations which cannot also be said by words. The converse, however, is false. Much tha….

There are worse occupations in this world than feeling a woman's pulse..

A few years ago he had a big heart transplant in Chicago, a five-hour operation. It took the doctors four hours to get him on the operating table..

I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal..

Her idea of a romantic setting is one that has a diamond in it. If you feel the need to marry a doctor, I suggest a dermatologist. Good hours, free R….

Bankruptcy is a legal proceeding in which you put your money in your pants pocket and give your coat to your creditors..

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys..

Retain a calm heart, sit like a turtle, walk swiftly like a pigeon, and sleep like a dog.

Do you think to yourself, 'Wow, I saw this chicken and she was gorgeous?'.

I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance - waiting for the bathroom..

I like persons better than principles, and I like persons with no principles better than anything else in the world..

I have imbibed such a love for money that I keep some sequins in a drawer to count, and cry over them once a week..

History teaches us virtue, but nature never ceases to teachh us vice..