Some days I feel like everyone in my world has plugged themselves into my kidneys. I'm so tired..

I don't want to be rich and I don't want to be famous..

A lady's imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment..

The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office..

It's funny when people say, 'I don't think Julia likes me.' Honey, if I don't like you, you're going to know about it..

Why get married and make one man miserable when I can stay single and make thousands miserable?.

My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg..

The chief value of money lies in the fact that one lives in a world in which it is overestimated..

My mate asked me "What do you think of voluntary work?" I said "I wouldn't do it if you paid me.".

I don't call myself a writer..

It will be a great day when our schools have all the money they need, and our air force has to have a bake-sale to buy a bomber..

I learn a lot; what I learn cannot be expressed in words..

It's so bad being homeless in winter. They should go somewhere warm like the Caribbean where they can eat fresh fish all day..

I'm an ocean, because I'm really deep. If you search deep enough you can find rare exotic treasures..

Every time I have a bikini wax, Cameron Diaz holds me down..

Sometimes Harvey Weinstein will let me use the Miramax jet if I'm opening a supermarket for him..

One year I was given a birthday present I'll never forget - a cooking lesson from Jamie Oliver..

We never get so near God as when we plead for others..

I've been up and down so many times that I feel as if I'm in a revolving door..

I first had a version of this at a Japanese monastery during a silent retreat-don't ask, it's a long story..

I'm not sure how healthy bacon is in general, but I know it's incredibly delicious..