Quotes on Humor

Turn your melodrama into a mellow drama.

The habit of being happy enables one to be freed, or largely freed, from the domination of outward conditions.

The avoidance of taxes is the only intellectual pursuit that still carries any reward.

Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves.

Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.

Have you ever noticed that the lawyer always smiles more than the client?

It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.

"I've learned what's funny verbally ain't so funny on e-mail: They don't hear your intonations. Melissa broke up with somebody over that. She tried to tell him: "That was a joke!" But he just didn't get it. Mick Jagger said, "F- 'em if they don't get the joke." And I love him. That comes with age: Knowing it's their problem, not mine."

The cynics are right nine times out of ten.

Great marketing only makes a bad product fail faster.

Our attention span is shot. We've all got Attention Deficit Disorder or ADD or OCD or one of these disorders with three letters because we don't have the time or patience to pronounce the entire disorder. That should be a disorder right there, TBD - Too Busy Disorder.

You can tell how smart people are by what they laugh at.

I observe the physician with the same diligence as the disease.

He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else.

The optimist thinks this is the best of all possible worlds. The pessimist fears it is true.

In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years.

I have been thinking that I would make a proposition to my Republican friends... that if they will stop telling lies about the Democrats, we will stop telling the truth about them.

The world is full of magical things patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper.

Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.

Comedy has to be based on truth. You take the truth and you put a little curlicue at the end.

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.