Quotes on Humor

When two or more people agree on an issue, I form on the other side.

I have a few cavities. I don't like to call them cavities, though - I like to call them 'places to put stuff'. 'Do you know where I can store a pea' 'Yes, I have some locations available.'

...if you are overdressed, it is a comment on them. If you are under dressed, it is a comment on you.

I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loath and despise the groups they identify or belong to.

Never pick a fight with an ugly person, they've got nothing to lose.

All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.

The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering his attitudes.

They all laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian. Well, they're not laughing now.

The perfect love affair is one which is conducted entirely by post.

Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.

The place of the father in the modern suburban family is a very small one, particularly if he plays golf.

So long as you have courage and a sense of humor, it is never too late to start life afresh.

I never joined the Boy Scouts. I don't trust any organization that has a handbook.

Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?

The desire for safety stands against every great and noble enterprise.

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

If I make a fool of myself, who cares? I'm not frightened by anyone's perception of me.

Humor is laughing at what you haven't got when you ought to have it.

When I play with my cat, who knows whether she is not amusing herself with me more than I with her.

Laughter is an instant vacation.

I believe entertainment can aspire to be art, and can become art, but if you set out to make art you're an idiot.