Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water..

... As to sleep, you know, I never sleep now. I might be a Watchman, except that I don't get any pay, and he's got nothing on his mind..

... I had a latent impression that there was something decidedly fine in Mr. Wopsle's elocution - not for old associations' sake, I am afraid, but be….

There is no such passion in human nature, as the passion for gravy among commercial gentlemen..

What a fine weather today! Can’t choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself..

"The twins no longer derive their sustenance from Nature's founts - in short," said Mr. Micawber, in one of his bursts of confidence, "they are weane….

But Rosa soon made the discovery that Miss Twinkleton didn't read fairly. She cut the love-scenes, interpolated passages in praise of female celibacy….

Dumb as a drum vith a hole in it, sir..

The service at the Imperial (Tokyo) is the finest I've encountered anywhere. There was a button next to my bed marked ROOM SERVICE - and a maid to pr….

An absence of antecedents and of relatives is sometimes an aid rather than an impediment to social advancement . . ..

If you gain, you gain all; if you lose, you lose nothing. Wager, then, without hesitation, that He exists..

Most successful investors, in fact, do nothing most of the time..

I would rather have a nod from an American, than a snuff- box from an emperor..

Humorists are not humorous twenty-four hours a day. In fact, when you get to know them well, they are often not humorous at all. They tend to be hype….

He was of the faith chiefly in the sense that the church he currently did not attend was Catholic..

An egotist is a person of low taste - more interested in himself than in me..

Reality is something you rise above..

If it's the Psychic Network why do they need a phone number?.

No orator can top the one who can give good nicknames..

I believe he [Saddam Hussein] wants a better relationship with America..

Freud: If it's not one thing, it's your mother.