Freud: If it's not one thing, it's your mother.

There is hardship in everything except eating pancakes..

Invite them all in. Nip out the back door. Phone the police and tell them your house is being burgled..

When the Ngdanga tribe of West Africa hold their moon love ceremonies, the men of the tribe bang their heads on sacred trees until they get a nose bl….

Perhaps I should have pointed out more often that without her (mother's) guidance and example I might have gone straight from short pants to Long Bay….

Living, as I do, in an educated and scientific atmosphere, I could not have conceived that the first principles of zoology were so little known. Is i….

Manage by exception.Only require reporting when there is a deviation from the plan..

If there was sadness in this creative world of mine, it was a pleasant sadness. If there were problems, they were humorous problems..

The fact that boys are allowed to exist at all is evidence of a remarkable Christian forebearance among men..

The square was finally cleared by armed carabineri with tears of laughter streaming down their faces. The event set a record for hilarious civic func….

Spending all my remaining money on a ticket to Florence was rendered needlessly complicated by the fact that none of the ticket-sellers had ever hear….

Turn your melodrama into a mellow drama..

I trust that age doth not wither nor custom stale my infinite variety..

The Gerat Bald Swamp Hedgehog of Billericay displays, in courtship, his single prickle and does impressions of Holiday Inn desk clerks. Since this me….

[In Moscow] we got through to [Soviet leaders] Brezhnev and Kosygin on the telephone. I think it was because nobody had ever tried to call them at ho….

It being a part of Mrs. Pipchin's system not to encourage a child's mind to develop and expand itself like a young flower, but to open it by force li….

In London there was no home cooking worthy of the name. When you were in funds you ate out. But only the people whose faces appeared in such publicat….

As to the Seven Deadly Sins, I deplore Pride, Wrath, Lust, Envy and Greed. Gluttony and Sloth I pretty much plan my day around..

When I finally embraced abstinence it was because of the simple urge to work a longer day. Thus, without joining Alcoholics Anonymous, I was at last ….

The big difference in those days was that in England the Government subsidized TV, in America we work on TV so we can subsidize the Government..

Like most people who smoked umpteen cigarettes a day, I tasted only the first one. The succeeding umpteen minus one were a compulsive ritual which ha….