I do not believe making money in order to consume goods is mankind’s sole purpose on this planet. If you’re wondering what I believe our purpose ….

How about a positive LSD story? Wouldn't that be news-worthy, just the once? To base your decision on information rather than scare tactics and super….

I do not believe making money in order to consume goods is mankind's sole purpose on this planet..

We are losing the 'War on Drugs,' which means there's a war going on and people on drugs are winning it..

Rock stars against drugs--that's what we want, isn't it? Government-approved rock-n-roll? Woo! We're partying now!.

How come people always flip and think they're Jesus? Why not Buddha? Particularly in America, where more people resemble Buddha than Jesus. 'Ah'm BUD….

I'm tired of this back-slappin' "isn't humanity neat" bullshit. We're a virus with shoes..

I believe the cost of life is Death and we will all pay that in full. Everything else should be a gift..

No, I don't do drugs anymore, either. But I'll tell you something about drugs. I used to do drugs, but I'll tell you something honestly about drugs, ….

Childbirth is no more a miracle then eating food and a turd coming out of your ass..

It's hard to have a relationship in this business...it's gonna take a very special woman...or a bunch of average ones..

Why do we put people who are on drugs in jail? They're sick, they're not criminals. Sick people don't get healed in prison. You see? It makes no sens….

I got this big fear of doing smoking jokes in my act and showing up five years from now goin' [puts mic to his neck and speaks as if he had a mechani….

'Where's Bill going?' He's going to comedy death. Boom! He pops out of it with another joke. It's my particular style..

They proved that if you quit smoking, it will prolong your life. What they haven't proved is that a prolonged life is a good thing. I haven't seen th….

All day long you see those commercials: 'Here's Your Brain, Just Say No'...and the next commercial is: 'This Bud's For You.'.

Mummy, I woke today and there was a Lincoln Log in me sock drawer! ... That's the story of Jesus..

You watch the news these days? It's unbelievable. You think you just walk out your door, you're immediately gonna be raped by some crack-addicted, AI….

I love talking about the Kennedy assasination. The reason I do is because I'm fascinated by it. I'm fascinated that our government could lie to us so….

I think it's interesting how people act on their beliefs. A lot of Christians, for instance, wear crosses around their necks. Nice sentiment, but do ….

You think when Jesus comes back, he really wants to see a cross? That's like going up to Jackie Onassis with a rifle pendant on..