You want to spend your millions on a worthless cause? Try donating it to the Democrats..

Do you want to know why marijuana is illegal? Because the drug companies want marijuana to be illegal. You see, if it came down to Prozak versus Mari….

Is it [hunting] really a sport if you have all the equipment and your opponent doesn't know a game is going on?.

I think we need to change that old saying, "I don't need a building to fall on me." Because two did and we still don't get it. I think we all stick o….

Wichita Falls, Texas is considering using toilet water for drinking. And a dog there today said, 'White people's problems.'.

Edward Snowden gave a little press conference today. He is apparently seeking temporary asylum in Russia. Because, you know, when you're tired of the….

It's that time of year again, April 15, taxes. I know it's depressing, but just remember, you're paying for roads, bridges, hospitals, and an army to….

Tea Party has now cost the Republicans 5 senate seats. My next donation is going to them..

The people who got everything wrong are back on TV talking about the place they got all wrong? Cheney, Bill Kristol, Paul Wolfowitz, Richard Perle. I….

New Rule: Since our new national position on science is, "Screw it, we prefer witchcraft," let's not just retire the Space Shuttle Atlantis. Let's dr….

Emergency rooms will be used the way they were intended to be used: not for primary care, but for when the average freaky American get some strange o….

Sex is too easy for women to get, and too hard for men. I mean, honestly, for a man to walk into someplace and have every woman ready to take him hom….

When sex is good theres nothing better, when its bad its not bad..

I always compare marriage to communism. They're both institutions that don't conform to human nature, so you're going to end up with lying and hypocr….

George Bush says, 'Gore's book needs a lot of explaining.' Of course, Bush says that about every book..

I think there is a problem, though, with the media gushing over [Obama] too much. I don't think he thinks that he's all that, but the media does. I m….

I don't want my president to be a TV star. You don't have to be on television every minute of every day - you're the president, not a rerun of 'Law &….

Religions are maintained by people. People who can't get laid, because sex is the first great earthly pleasure. But if you can't get that, power is a….

I know a whole generation has been raised on the notion of multiculturalism; that all civilizations are just different. No! Not always. Sometimes thi….

Our mistakes from the past are just that: mistakes. And they were necessary to make in order to become the wiser person we became..

The problem is that the people with the most ridiculous ideas are always the people who are most certain of them..