Meat is dirty. I wouldn't touch a hot dog without a condom on it.

False hope really makes you cynical..

The Senate decided they will be smoke-free. They ordained that all public areas in the Senate are now smoke-free. However, the senators themselves wi….

I'd just like to know what a cop WOULD have to do to get indicted - and what good are cop cameras since Eric Garner IS on tape?.

I’m supposed to be all re-injected with yes-we-can fever after the big health care speech, and it was a great speech - when Black Elvis gets jiggy wi….

The only way for mankind to survive is for religion to die..

Democrats are lame. The media is lame. And Donald Trump hasn't even played his war card yet. You know, he could start a war and get a lot of support ….

Republicans are obsessed with abortion...if they really wanted to protect the weakest, most helpless people, wouldn't they protect the Democrats?.

Life is not like a box of chocolates unless there's a few turds in the box..

Americans are used to being pandered to and spoon-fed everything. In a culture that needs caffeine-free cherry chocolate diet Coke, you'd best delive….

What Democratic congressmen do to their women staffers, Republican congressmen do to the country..

If the Hamas people had the opportunity, they would kill the maximum number of Israelis, which would be all. And, Israel has the opportunity to kill ….

If conservatives get to call universal healthcare 'socialized medicine,' I get to call private, for-profit healthcare 'soulless, vampire bastards mak….

Funny that all of Nixon's crimes - anonymous campaign cash, wiretapping, undeclared wars - are all legal now. Discuss..

A flu shot just compromises your immune system..

Here's the thing about Donald Trump: He never apologizes. He's never wrong, no matter what crazy thing he says. He's totally - he's the white Kanye..

The only thing I hate worse than prophecy is self-fulfilling prophecy.

I know climate change is a hoax – of course – but places that have never seen this type of winter weather got hit by it. More than a half a million s….

Now, I'm no doctor, but I am on TV. And in my professional opinion, George Bush is a paranoid schizophrenic..

All across the Middle East in the streets, people are demanding democracy. It's amazing. The only way in America you get people to get worked up like….

New rule: Stop calling it Obamacare. It's not like Obama will be the doctor for your next prostate exam. That's just a common fantasy of Republican….