If you ignore every single thing Jesus told you to do, you are just auditing. You're not a Christian..

Saddam Hussein is Hitler like Oasis was The Beatles..

When we talk about values, I think of rationality in solving problems. That's something I value. Fairness, kindness, generosity, tolerance. That's di….

President Bush is supporting Arnold but a lot of Republicans are not, because he is actually quite liberal. Karl Rove said if his father wasn't a Naz….

It could be anything. It could be Jesus and it could be the Furby and it could be the lint that lives in my navel, but it's probably not. Whatever it….

40% of homicides go unsolved. You know, it's not a very good record. And, also, 95% of convictions in America come from plea bargaining, which is oft….

You're either a rationalist, or you're not. And the good news is a recent poll found 20% of adults under 30 say they are rationalists, and have figur….

If you believe Jesus ever had a good word for war or torture or tax cuts for the rich, or raping the earth, or refusing water to dying migrants, then….

Jesus is not a candle. A company in South Dakota is selling candles with the scent of Jesus. You light one and your friends says, Christ, what's that….

There's a phrase we live by in America: "In God We Trust". It's right there where Jesus would want it: on our money..

We learned this week that Mitt Romney is building a car elevator in his house. An elevator for your cars. I get the feeling this guy wants to be pres….

Religion is bad and drugs are good..

I do think the patriotic thing to do is to critique my country. How else do you make a country better but by pointing out its flaws?.

You know, we do a lot of complaining here in America. And that itself is something they can't do in a lot of other countries..

New Rule: Food companies must face the facts: One container equals one serving. Look, we’re Americans, and that means once we open the bag, there’s n….

Stupidity is not another form of knowledge..

It's not getting any better for the American people. It seems to be getting worse. That's predictable; education is a cycle. Stupidity breeds more st….

Do you think it's possible that when we're on something like marijuana or mushrooms and we believe we're having a really spiritual experience that we….

They're talking about banning cigarette smoking now in any place that's used by ten or more people in a week, which, I guess, means that Madonna can'….

In ten Muslim countries you can get the death penalty just for being gay. If they were chopping the heads off of gay people in the Vatican, wouldn't ….

Ronald Reagan basically legalized every illegal immigrant in this country. I just like to bring this up because every week I like to make Republican ….