Occupation: Comedian Birth: November 22, 1921 Death: October 5, 2004
I once met a beautiful, proper English girl. I bid her adieu.... she bid me a don't..
I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it..
I was so ugly my parents had to hang a pork chop around my neck to get the dog to play with me..
My wife was afraid of the dark. Then she saw me naked, and now she's afraid of the light..
What a dog I got. Last night he went on the paper four times - three while I was reading it..
I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a….
I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for mooning..
A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home..
...went to a bar for a few drinks. The bartender asked what I wanted. "Surprise me", I said. So he showed me a naked picture of my wife..
For Christmas one year I bought my son a BB gun. He bought me a t-shirt with a bulls eye on the back..
When I told my wife she was lousy in bed - she went out - she got a second opinion..
I went to see my doctor... Doctor Vidi-boom-ba. Yeah...I told him once, "Doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror I feel like throw….
This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me..
With my dog I don't get no respect. He keeps barking at the front door. He don't want to go out. He wants me to leave..
Once when I was lost I asked a policeman to help me find my parents. I said to him, 'Do you think we'll ever find them?' He answered, 'I don't know, ….
Well with girls I don't get no respect. I had a blind date. I waited two hours on the corner. A girl walked by. I said Are you Louise? She said, Are ….
I come from a stupid family. During the civil war my great uncle fought for the west..
My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet..
You don't know who to believe. Like Abraham Lincoln. He said all men were created equal. He never went to a nude beach..
One time I went to a hotel. I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up my wife!.
Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid..