I told my wife 'hey honey come on, let's make love like the old days.' She asked me for 50 bucks..

When I was a kid we were so poor, if I hadn't been a boy I wouldn't have had anything to play with..

Last week I told my psychiatrist, 'I keep thinking about suicide', and he told me from now I have to pay in advance..

I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice. I don't know if I'm coming or going..

My wife has to be the worst cook. I've got the only dog who begs for alka-seltzer..

My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home..

I met the surgeon general - he offered me a cigarette..

I was making love to my wife the other night, I looked up. She was on the phone..

My wife says 90% of sex occurs between the ears. But I need a girl who can blow more just my mind..

With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me..

They change the sheets every day... from one bed to another..

I'm at an age where I think more about food than I do about sex. Last week I put a mirror over my dining room table..

One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control..

It would be great if people never got angry at someone for doing something they've done themselves..

When my wife drives, there's always trouble. The other day she took the car. She came home. She told me, There's water in the carburetor. I asked her….

A man in the crowd asks: Hey Rodney, how'd you get started? Rodney: I was 12 years old, alone in my room, and I got started!.

When I was kidnapped as a child my parents sent a letter to the hijackers me Pay 5,000 dollars or your back.

My wife's so dumb, she got a nail in the spare!!.

I bought a new book, '100 new ways to make love'. I ended up in traction - it was a misprint..

My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg..

During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me… Just the other night she called me from a hotel..