Man, who don't like spaghetti?.

Men who do things without being told draw the most wages..

When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up..

At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he know he can't..

When you walk up five flights of stairs at four in the morning, there's definitely a hooker involved..

I walked in on my wife and the milkman, the first thing she says is "don't tell the butcher"!.

I tell ya, I was an ugly kid. I was so ugly that my dad kept the kid's picture that came with the wallet he bought..

All my wife and I do is fight about sex. The other night, we really had it out. Well, I'll put it this way - I had it out..

My life is nothing but pressure. All pressure. This pressure is like a heaviness. It's always on top of me, this heaviness. It's always there since I….

You live with life's disappointments and learn from them. At seventy-eight, I know it all..

I tell ya, sex is getting harder all the time. Me and my wife were trying to have sex for hours last night and I finally gave up. I asked her, "what,….

I tell ya, gambling never agreed with me. Last week I went to the track and they shot my horse with the opening gun..

My wife has teeth like the stars... they come out at night..

My wife has to be the worst cook. I don't believe meatloaf should glow in the dark.

With my old man I got no respect. He told me never take candy from a stranger unless he offered me a ride..

I started over again with an image: Nothing goes right. Then when The Godfather came out, all I heard was, Show respect. With me, you show respect. S….

We were poor. we were so poor, in my neighborhood the rainbow was in black-and-white..

My mother used to rock me - and she used big rocks..

The other night a mugger took off his mask and made me wear it..

I tell ya when I fly, I don't get no respect. I took one of those cheap flights, no frills. I finished eatin' and had to do the dishes..

My family was a bunch of drunks. When I was six I came up missing, they put my picture on a bottle of scotch..