Labeling and diagnosis is a catastrophic way to communicate. Telling other people what's wrong with them greatly reduces, almost to zero, the probability that we're going to get what we're after.
Marshall B. RosenbergRead
Conventional compliments often take the form of judgments however positive, and are sometimes offered to manipulate the behavior of others. NVC encourages the expression of appreciation solely for celebration.
Interpretation
What this quote means
The quote emphasizes the importance of genuine appreciation over conventional compliments, which may be manipulative.
Marshall B. Rosenberg advocates for a form of communication known as Nonviolent Communication (NVC), which promotes expressing appreciation as a way to celebrate others without the intentions of control or manipulation. He suggests that traditional compliments often convey judgments that may influence behavior, whereas true expression of gratitude should come from a place of celebration and authenticity.
Themes
AppreciationComplimentsAuthenticityCelebrationCommunication
In practice
Example use cases
In a team meeting, someone might reference this quote to encourage honest expressions of gratitude rather than superficial compliments.
More from Marshall B. Rosenberg
All quotes βWhether I praise or criticize someone's action, I imply that I am their judge, that I'm engaged in rating them or what they have done.
Marshall B. RosenbergRead
In nonviolent communication, no matter what words others may use to express themselves, we simply listen for their observations, feelings, needs, and requests. Then we may wish to reflect back, paraphrasing what we have understood. We stay with empathy, allowing others the opportunity to fully express themselves before we turn our attention to solutions or requests for relief.
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All that has been integrated into NVC has been known for centuries about consciousness, language, communication skills, and use of power that enable us to maintain a perspective of empathy for ourselves and others, even under trying conditions.
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The punitive use of force tends to generate hostility and to reinforce resistance to the very behavior we are seeking.
Marshall B. RosenbergRead
Expressing our vulnerability can help resolve conflicts.
Marshall B. RosenbergRead
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