Out of sight of land the sailor feels safe. It is the beach that worries him..

The direct use of force is such a poor solution to any problem, it is generally employed only by small children and large nations..

When I go to a bar, I don't go looking for a girl who knows the capital of Maine..

Nothing is more apt to deceive us than our own judgment of our work. We derive more benefit from having our faults pointed out by our enemies than fr….

To have your niece die in your arms is the greatest gift from god..

The best time to go to Disney World, if you want to avoid huge crowds, is 1962..

If one has not given everything, one has given nothing..

All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height..

The Christian church is a society of sinners. It is the only society in the world membership in which is based upon the single qualification that the….

As a writer, or as a filmmaker, you have to present yourself, and part of what yourself is is what you're interested in, or what you think is funny, ….

As you get older, the pickings get slimmer, but the people don't..

A vegetarian is a person who won't eat anything that can have children..

Grant me some wild expressions, Heavens, or I shall burst..

I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters..

Some old women and men grow bitter with age; the more their teeth drop out, the more biting they get..

Inside me there's a thin person struggling to get out, but I can usually sedate him with four or five cupcakes..

My mind wanders a lot, but fortunately it's too weak to go very far..

You have to master not only the art of listening to your head, you must also master listening to your heart and listening to your gut..

If you're explaining, you're losing..

For those of you haven't read the book, it's being published tomorrow.

I got up this morning. I like to get up in the morning; it gives me the rest of the day to myself. I crossed the landing and went down stairs. Mind y….