The problem with the future is that it keeps turning into the present..

By the time you're eighty years old you've learned everything. You only have to remember it..

There is a 'sanctity' involved with bringing a child into this world: it is better than bombing one out of it..

We don't devote enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks..

Buttons ... check. Dials ... check. Switches ... check. Little colored lights ... check..

Even pearls are dark before the whiteness of his teeth..

During my service in the United States Congress, I took the initiative in creating the Internet. I took the initiative in moving forward a whole rang….

So you think that money is the root of all evil. Have you ever asked what is the root of all money?.

Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won't even lay down his newspaper to talk to you..

Of course there are certain things that get to me, but I try and lead by example and show people that, especially with haters, that you should just i….

Everyone's crazy except you and me..

So I met the bloke who invented crosswords today. I can't remember his name, it's P something T something R..

I went into a shop and I said, "Can someone sell me a kettle." The bloke said "Kenwood" I said, "Where is he?".

The way he was playing, he probably could have scored on Jesus..

My son is 12 now, and is really getting into girls. A lot. But the thing about twelve year old boys is that they don't possess what I like to call th….

The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip..

I own a hundred and fifty books, but I have no bookcase. Nobody will lend me a bookcase..

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in….

I was just in London - there is a 6 hour time difference. I'm still confused. When I go to dinner, I feel sexy. When I go to bed, I feel hungry..

If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas..

She was at the beauty shop for two hours. That was only for the estimate..