Somebody said to me, 'But the Beatles were anti-materialistic.' That's a huge myth. John and I literally used to sit down and say, 'Now, let's write ….

There's this whole post-modern, nuevo beatnik, retro-bohemian thing going on, you know what I mean? You walk into some coffee shops, and it feels lik….

You…you got rid of that dress fast," I pointed out between heavy breaths. "I thought you liked it." "I do like it," he said. His breathing was as hea….

My dad is actually a manic depressive, which is very exciting half the time..

The Doctor says, "You'll live to be 60!" "I AM 60!" "See, what did I tell you?".

You ain't going nowhere, son. You ought to go back to driving a truck..

A hat should be taken off when you greet a lady and left off for the rest of your life. Nothing looks more stupid than a hat..

Just because a baby cries, I discovered, doesn't mean there's always something wrong. Sometimes babies wake up for no real reason. They just want to ….

When words fail, the guitar speaks..

I always say, 'Man, the Creator is preparing me for something. He's keeping the sun on me for some reason. He's keeping me aligned with that generati….

Progress is a continuing effort to make the things we eat, drink, and wear as good as they used to be..

About the time we can make the ends meet, somebody moves the ends..

People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world..

All men are equal before fish..

Marriage: A word which should be pronounced "mirage"..

You see, dear, it is not true that woman was made from man's rib; she was made from his funny bone..

I shall write a book some day about the appropriateness of names. Geoffrey Chaucer has a ribald ring, as is proper and correct, and Alexander Pope wa….

There are only two reasons to sit in the back row of an airplane: Either you have diarrhea, or you're anxious to meet people who do..

Money, it turned out, was exactly like sex, you thought of nothing else if you didn't have it and thought of other things if you did..

Motherhood is the strangest thing, it can be like being one's own Trojan horse..

The next evolutionary step is into the screen..