There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full..

As the plane lands in Glasgow airport, passengers are reminded to set their watch back, 25 years..

I watched the footage of Saddam being executed, and it really made me think...is there nothing on the internet that I won't masturbate to?.

An error is the more dangerous in proportion to the degree of truth which it contains..

There was a knock on our dressing-room door. Our manager shouted, 'Keith! Ron! The Police are here!' Oh, man, we panicked, flushed everything down th….

The clever men of Oxford, know all that there is to be knowed but they none of them know one half as much as intelligent Mr. Toad..

Before a war military science seems a real science, like astronomy; but after a war it seems more like astrology..

How complicated can ice cream flavors be? How much can you put in there? I mean, when the flavor's something like banana ice cream with caramel, fudg….

The way I figure it, if you can't tell I'm high by looking at me, I win..

When you actually meet the devil and he offers you a deal most artists eventually negotiate..

Is there any indication we shouldn't be depressed - are you living on the same planet that I am? Do you ever think that depression might be the reaso….

In show business, it takes 10 years to create an overnight success. You've heard that, right? But what you don't hear is that that's the exact same a….

I'm not a racist. It's really case by case; it's not ethnicity specific. It's just the way I react to things that are different. I think that's norma….

I used to do a lot of drugs. I didn't stop because I didn't enjoy them; I stopped because I couldn't handle the commitment..

I empathize with women in their high heels so I'll be there in my kilt and T-shirt and I'll walk around all day just to prove that if I can wear the ….

I'm proud to be part of a generation where reading is a 'look.'.

He does have that weird mixture of born again Christian and stupid that some people mistake for courage and focus..

I've had this look for about a year. I usually grow this beard out around Christmas. I like to go to malls dressed as Jesus, and I like to then walk ….

I'm just saying, 'Hey, throw me a bone. How about a smile, cute t-shirt? Look at me.' Nothing - unless it's a turn to their friends to go, 'Hey, why ….

You get all excited to give her the ring, and it's real emotional, and you give it to her, and she cries. And a second later, you're like, 'Damn, I c….

I immediately went out and bought a book on anger management. And now I have that book, and I don't know if I'll get to the book. But I'm certainly e….