On summer evenings, when every flower, and tree, and bird, might have better addressed my soft young heart, I have in my day been caught in the palm ….

Bulb: potential flower buried in Autumn, never to be seen again..

When a man says he approves of something in principle, it means he hasn't the slightest intention of carrying it out in practice..

Before I refuse to take your questions, I have an opening statement..

I don't know a lot about politics, but I can recognise a good party man when I see one..

It's hard to be funny when you have to be clean..

Fifty years ago, 100 white men chasing one black man across a field was called the Ku Klux Klan. Today it's called the PGA Tour..

I believe in censorship. I made a fortune out of it..

I used to be Snow White, but I drifted..

It is always a silly thing to give advice, but to give good advice is absolutely fatal..

2 Jewish women in New York. One says, "Do you see what's going on in Poland?" The other says, "I live in the back, I don't see anything.".

There are people who don't like capitalism, and people who don't like PCs. But there's no-one who likes the PC who doesn't like Microsoft..

The average Hollywood film star's ambition is to be admired by an American, courted by an Italian, married to an Englishman and have a French boyfrie….

Life is hard. After all, it kills you..

The food on the plane was fit for a king. "Here, King!".

We have women in the military, but they don't put us in the front lines. They don't know if we can fight, if we can kill. I think we can. All the gen….

Name 12 players better than me..

Humility is like underwear; essential, but indecent if it shows..

I don't want want to go to jail, I'm fragile..

Good Americans, when they die, go to Paris..

The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary..