It's funny how people who ain't never been down there can think that America is so fair and that we should be alright. It's funny that the people who….

Q: Does this train stop at Brighton? A: I hope so or there's going to be a hell of a splash..

Guys. If your pants are below your ass you have no right to accuse any lady of dressing slutty..

The service at the Imperial (Tokyo) is the finest I've encountered anywhere. There was a button next to my bed marked ROOM SERVICE - and a maid to pr….

I wasn't really that informed about the two-year-old. Oh, I'd read about them, and occasionally I'd see documentaries on the Discovery Channel showin….

Computers are useless. They can only give you answers..

I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either..

How wonderful opera would be if there were no singers..

Three weeks ago, she learned how to drive. Last week she learned how to aim it..

On respect for the Queen: When I lick a stamp I always do it with my eyes closed..

Back then, if you had a sore arm, the only people concerned were you and your wife. Now it's you, your wife, your agent, your investment counselor, y….

This is unparalyzed in the state's history..

In America, you can always find a party. In Soviet Russia, The Party can always find you!.

We sail within a vast sphere, ever drifting in uncertainty, driven from end to end..

If you don't know where you are going, you might wind up someplace else..

Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope..

I'm so overexposed, I'm making Paris Hilton look like a recluse..

Smoking is one of the leading causes of all statistics..

Certainly there are lots of things in life that money won't buy, but it's very funny- Have you ever tried to buy them without money?.

Statistics are no substitute for judgment..

For truth is always strange; stranger than fiction..