How wonderful opera would be if there were no singers..

This is unparalyzed in the state's history..

In America, you can always find a party. In Soviet Russia, The Party can always find you!.

We sail within a vast sphere, ever drifting in uncertainty, driven from end to end..

If you don't know where you are going, you might wind up someplace else..

Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope..

I'm so overexposed, I'm making Paris Hilton look like a recluse..

I'm blonde and tanned and normal-sized! I'm sweet, shy, funny, have a big heart and I'm nice - and I like to eat..

My room is so small, the mice are hunchbacked..

I asked a shop owner if he could help me out. He said: "What way did you come in?".

The field of consciousness is tiny. It accepts only one problem at a time..

Hands up if you’re ready to do something you’ll regret this weekend. Go forth! You have my blessing..

Dear America, I suppose we should introduce ourselves: We're South Louisiana...You probably already know that we talk funny and listen to strange mus….

We’re all a little weird. And life is a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall….

The main purpose of the stock market is to make fools of as many men as possible..

Every town has the same two malls: the one white people go to and the one white people used to go to..

If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?.

Patriotism is the virtue of the vicious..

The only advantage to wearing glasses is that you can do that dramatic removal..

Poetry is one of the few nasty childhood habits I've managed to grow out of.

I've come up with the three things you never want to hear at your kid's parent/teacher conference. Number one: 'You're only responsible for the first….