I was called Rembrandt Hope in my boxing days, because I spent so much time on the canvas..

What am I supposed to do if I go bald? Get a wig? Fat, goofy, gay, wig. I might as well get a piano and start an Elton John tribute act!.

I would imagine that Bret would taste like a warm goat cheese, and Jemaine would taste like harvati with dill. Hmm...I'm hungry actually..

I don't have the first clue who he is talking about, because all I worry about is Jerome..

Yes. Yes, when we live our life like 1950s detective films. I often go to my fridge, "Hullo, we're out of milk. I say mother, where's the milk?".

You're looking good today Bret. Very hot... hotter than Jemaine. You have a refined bone structure, while Jemaine's facial features are too deep set ….

Men are only as loyal as their options..

Looking scary with a baseball outfit on and a little bouffant, you know, it just does not work. Especially with sculpted eyebrows..

Farrah's dressing room was next to mine. There was a little hole in the wall. I let her look..

Show me a man who lives alone and has a perpetually clean kitchen, and 8 times out of 9 I'll show you a man with detestable spiritual qualities..

I've been doing the Fonda workout: the Peter Fonda workout. That's where I wake up, take a hit of acid, smoke a joint, and go to my sister's house an….

Payday at my house is like the Academy Awards. My wife says: May I have the envelope please..

Men own basketball teams. Every year cheerleaders' outfits get tighter and briefer, and players' shorts get baggier and longer..

She's a big-hearted girl with hips to match..

When you play spin the bottle, if they don't want to kiss you they have to give you a quarter. Well, hell, by the time I was twelve years old I owned….

We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture..

We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins..

If the wind is blowing like stink and everything is working right, a twelve-meter sailboat can go eleven and a half or twelve miles an hour, the same….

My shoes are size 2 and a 1/2, the same size as my feet.

I was playing golf. I swung, missed the ball, and got a big chunk of dirt. I swung again, missed the ball, and got another big chunk of dirt. Just th….

What's a soup kitchen?.