In response to how he checked the weather, "I just whip out my blue card with a hole in it and read what it says: 'When color of card matches color o….

I once punched a bloke in the face for saying 'Hawk the Slayer' was rubbish, when what I should have said 'Dad, you're wrong.'.

" ... It is not my desire to wound the feelings of any person with whom I am connected in family bonds. I may be a hypocrite," said Mr. Pecksniff, cu….

There is hope for the future because God has a sense of humor and we are funny to God..

The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs..

Never wear a backward baseball cap to an interview unless applying for the job of umpire..

I was thinking that we all learn by experience, but some of us have to go to summer school..

Litigant. A person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bones..

Yeah, I'm scared. I'm scared I might kill Schmeling..

I can conduct better than I count..

Believe it or not, there are twice as many eyebrows in the world as there are people..

If I were given the opportunity to present a gift to the next generation, it would be the ability for each individual to learn to laugh at himself..

General," said the commander of the delinquent brigade, "I am persuaded that any further display of valor by my troops will bring them into collision….

When I was a graduate student, the leading spirits at Harvard were interested in the history of ideas..

The heart of marriage is memories; and if the two of you happen to have the same ones and can savor your reruns, then your marriage is a gift from th….

Out of a hundred years a few minutes were made that stayed with me, not a hundred years..

What a man needs in gardening is a cast-iron back, with a hinge in it..

At my age I'm envious of a stiff wind..

There are some remarkable parallels between basketball and politics. Michael Jordan has already mastered the skill most needed for political success:….

It is a curious fact that people are never so trivial as when they take themselves seriously.

But Dumbledore says he doesn't care what they do as long as they don't take him off the Chocolate Frog cards..