In England, if you commit a crime, the police don't have a gun and you don't have a gun. If you commit a crime, the police will say 'Stop, or I'll sa….

The difference between screwing around and science is writing it down..

Be excellent and party on dudes..

The statesman shears the sheep; the politician skins them..

Hollywood is where they shoot too many pictures and not enough actors..

I went to Zimbabwe. I know how white people feel in America now; relaxed! Cause when I heard the police car I knew they weren't coming after me!.

The only thing that you can get into without a lot of trouble is a lot of trouble..

I'm a Leo. Leos don't believe in this astrology stuff..

Love is like a booger, you pick and pick at it. Then when you get it you wonder how to get rid of it..

At every concert I've sensed a certain insecurity about the tempo. It's clearly marked 80...uh, 69..

One good thing about being locked in a cage: No responsibility!.

I can see none of you are smugglers; that's why it's so loud..

When I was young I thought that money was the most important thing in life; now that I am old I know that it is..

Last time you bring me pie, I cut into it, with my tiny pie cutter, and millions of birds flew out hitting me in the eyes and the temples... it was a….

Life can be wonderful if you're not afraid of it. All it takes is courage, imagination ... and a little dough.

People seem to enjoy things more when they know a lot of other people have been left out of the pleasure..

AT&T is now offering a new service that allows you to pay your bills through your TV screen by using your remote control. So instead of saying, "The ….

As to the Seven Deadly Sins, I deplore Pride, Wrath, Lust, Envy and Greed. Gluttony and Sloth I pretty much plan my day around..

Silence is foolish if we are wise, but wise if we are foolish..

I had to wait 110 years to become famous. I wanted to enjoy it as long as possible..

When you leave college, there are thousands of people out there with the same degree you have; when you get a job, there will be thousands of people ….