Gentiles are people who eat mayonnaise for no reason..

After about 20 years of marriage, I'm finally starting to scratch the surface of what women want. And I think the answer lies somewhere between conve….

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?.

My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair..

My cousin is gay, in school while other kids were dissecting frog, he was opening flies..

In the school I went to, they asked a kid to prove the law of gravity and he threw the teacher out of the window..

I joined gamblers anon., they gave me 2 to 1 I wouldn't make it! I joined AA, there was a two drink minimum!.

I came from a real tough neighborhood. On my street, the kids take hubcaps - from moving cars..

My mother had morning sickness after I was born..

Guy goes into a bar with a duck under his arm. Bartender says, "Where'd you get the pig?" Guy says, "This is a duck." Bartender says, "I was talking ….

My wife had her drivers’ test the other day. She got 8 out of 10. The other 2 guys jumped clear..

I told my doctor I wonna stop aging, he gave me a gun!.

I was a poster child... for birth control!.

I went to a massage parlor, it was self service..

Authors like cats because they are such quiet, lovable, wise creatures, and cats like authors for the same reasons..

I come home from work early one day, and I see a guy jogging down the street in his underwear. I ask him, "Why are you jogging in your underwear?" He….

I'm a bad lover. Once I caught a peeping tom booing me..

I got myself good this morning too. I did my pushups in the nude, I didn't see the mouse trap..

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap..

Me and my dad used to play tag, he'd drive!.

I tell ya, I knew my morning wasn't going right. When I put on my shirt the button fell off, when I picked up my briefcase, the handle fell off, I te….