Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so..

I hate small towns because once you've seen the cannon in the park there's nothing else to do..

Living in New York City gives people real incentives to want things that nobody else wants..

I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours..

If Rose's streak was still intact, with that single to left, the fans would be throwing babies out of the upper deck..

The first pitch to Tucker Ashford is grounded into left field. No, wait a minute. It's ball one. Low and outside..

Enos Cabell started out here with the Astros, and before that he was with the Orioles..

Boros is not with the team today because he's attending his daughter's funeral. Oh, wait, it's her wedding..

Ron Guidry is not very big, maybe 140 pounds, but he has an arm like a lion..

Those amateur umpires are certainly flexing their fangs tonight..

Fox-terriers are born with about four times as much original sin in them as other dogs..

Ah, yes, divorce... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet..

The way he's swinging the bat, he won't get a hit until the 20th century..

This country is so urbanized we think low-fat milk comes from cows on Nutri/System weight-loss plans..

It is so pleasant to come across people more stupid than ourselves. We love them at once for being so..

What a great hitch to pit!.

The new Haitian baseball can't weigh more than four ounces or less than five..

Reality is just a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs..

Sometimes big trees grow out of acorns - I think I heard that from a squirrel..

I challenge anyone, even with a radar machine, to hit that slider..

Blessed are they who hold lively conversations with the helplessly mute, for they shall be called dentists..