You can say what you like about long dresses, but they cover a multitude of shins..

In spite of the cost of living, it's still popular..

If you have a job without aggravations, you don't have a job..

Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before..

On the best tactic when playing alongside Kareem Abdul-Jabbar- Just give him the ball..

There was a young man of Herne Bay who was making some fireworks one day: but he dropped his cigar in the gunpowder jar. There was a young man of….

I've been in more laps than a napkin..

There are artists with palettes and easels selling the kind of modern art that Soviet art critics used to critique with bulldozers. Judging by the pa….

To err is human, but it feels divine..

For students today, only 10 percent of children from working-class families graduate from college by the age of 24 as compared to 58 percent of upper….

He has a 5 year plan... What is it, don't die?.

From my close observation of writers... they fall into two groups: 1) those who bleed copiously and visibly at any bad review, and 2) those who bleed….

Sir one more comment like that and I will strangle you with my microphone wire!.

An epitaph is a belated advertisement for a line of goods that have been permanently discontinued..

I'm so smart now. Everyone's always like 'take your top off'. Sorry, NO! They always want to get that money shot. I'm not stupid..

A man's kiss is his signature..

Let's reintroduce corporal punishment in the schools - and use it on the teachers..

There is nothing wrong with a woman welcoming all men's advances as long as they are in cash.

Until you value yourself, you won't value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it..

Here's a six-foot-ten guy in sneakers and the lady's asking me, 'Profession?'.

If someone ever asks you to do something for them, do it really bad so you never have to do it again..