I play with friends, but we don't play friendly games..

The patient says, "Doctor, it hurts when I do this." "Then don't do that!".

You have the Midas touch. Everything you touch turns to a muffler..

I said to my wife, 'Where do you want to go for our anniversary?' She said, 'I want to go somewhere I've never been before.' I said, 'Try the kitchen….

Some people play a horse to win, some to place. I should have bet this horse to live..

I go on working for the same reason that a hen goes on laying eggs..

Drawing is like making an expressive gesture with the advantage of permanence..

Country people do not behave as if they think life is short; they live on the principle that it is long, and savor variations of the kind best apprec….

Man who stands on toilet, gets high on pot!.

God is a Republican, and Santa Claus is a Democrat..

Writing for young children I find I often use particular jokes with words and exaggerated, funny events, but some of these haunt the more complex sto….

You get fifteen democrats in a room, and you get twenty opinions..

When you have an efficient government, you have a dictatorship..

Schizophrenia beats dining alone..

I hope I never get so old I get religious..

You know what's funny? I don't ever feel the need to escape. I have a strong marriage. I like my life. You hear about these guys having midlife crise….

It's funny, this thing about happiness. It's a commodity that was imported from America in the Fifties. I see myself simply as living my life. . . . ….

May this continent, the last explored by humankind, be the first one to be spared by humankind..

France in August when you can travel through the entire country without encountering a single pesky Frenchman or being bothered with anything that's ….

Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example..

People who have what they want are very fond of telling people who haven't what they want that they don't want it..