Modern air travel means less time spent in transit. That time is now spent in transit lounges..

The Arab peoples possess an ancient and highly developed civilization that is in many ways more sophisticated than our own. For instance, they invent….

The Russians could have some (warheads) aimed at Japan, so if we act up they can destroy our economy..

They take the paper and they read the headlines. So they've heard of unemployment and they've heard of bread-lines. And they philanthropically cure t….

I've got a hockey record, I took off my skate and tried to stab a guy, I'm the only person who ever tried that..

Accuracy to a newspaper is what virtue is to a lady; but a newspaper can always print a retraction..

I have always felt a gift diamond shines so much better than one you buy for yourself..

There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertib….

He comes back with the script, and it's racist like a 1940's Newspaper..

Happiness is having a scratch for every itch..

I can think of a number of areas in New York where three acres of nuclear waste would make the neighborhood safer to walk around in than it is now, a….

The only reason some people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory..

The law is simply expediency wearing a long white dress..

She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!" So I bought h….

Sudden success in golf is like the sudden acquisition of wealth. It is apt to unsettle and deteriorate the character..

People never ask people doing serious music, 'Do you ever think about doing funny music?'.

When I sell liquor, it's bootlegging. When my patrons serve it on a silver tray on Lakeshore Drive, it's hospitality..

Then there was the time in Hollywood when I sat down in a breakaway chair and it collapsed on me. I was nearly knocked out and might have been even m….

I commend you on all you've done for PETA, wrestling the one-eyed trouser snake with your bare hands, gently cuddling it in your arms, and nurturing ….

Keeping up with the Joneses was a full-time job with my mother and father. It was not until many years later when I lived alone that I realized how m….

My idea of fast food is a mallard..