My wife loves to shop at Bloomingdale's. I bring her mail there twice a week..

My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said,'Cough'.

His motto is "Love Thy Neighbor". His neighbor is an 18 year old hooker..

Wars and elections are both too big and too small to matter in the long run. The daily work - that goes on, it adds up..

I can calculate the motion of heavenly bodies, but not the madness of people..

The nicest thing about quotes is that they give us a nodding acquaintance with the originator which is often socially impressive..

A man in the house is worth two in the street..

If you're going to be able to look back on something and laugh about it, you might as well laugh about it now..

Las Vegas is the only place I know where money really talks--it says, Goodbye..

I was told to hand over my disposable lighter, to prevent, I suppose, any threat of "Do what I say or I'll light this Marlboro and you'll all die - i….

It was to be a short visit for the G-shevs. More than four days in the U.S. and Raisa's VISA card bill would shatter the fragile Soviet economy..

A man's desire for a son is usually nothing but the wish to duplicate himself in order that such a remarkable pattern may not be lost to the world..

The Democrats planned to fiddle while Rome burned. The Republicans were going to burn Rome, then fiddle..

The funny thing is I'm not bothered or sad about being on my own - after all I've never had a husband..

What doesn't kill you makes you smaller.

Money, if it does not bring you happiness, will at least help you be miserable in comfort..

Parents always make their worst mistakes with their oldest children. That's when parents know the least and care the most, so they're more likely to ….

Whatever the occasion, do not neglect alcohol. No other refreshment will do. Yes, alcohol kills brain cells, but it's very selective. It only kills t….

My Dear McClellan, if you don't want to use the army I should like to borrow it for a while. Yours respectfully..

The tenderest spot in a man's make-up is sometimes the bald spot on top of his head..

Life begins at 40 - but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times..