There is no need to worry about mere size. We do not necessarily respect a fat man more than a thin man. Sir Isaac Newton was very much smaller than ….

The more I think of you, the less I think of you..

I don't like anything in the mainstream and they don't like me..

Those two are a fastidious couple. She's fast and he's hideous..

I thought "RV" stood for "Recreational Vehicle." No! It stands for "Ruins Vacations.".

My horse was so late getting home, he tiptoed into the stable..

It is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man..

A man goes to a psychiatrist. "Nobody listens to me!" The doctor says, "Next!".

A Jewish man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, "Can I park here?" "No" says the cop. "What about all these other cars?" "They didn't ask!".

Is that your hat or are you wearing a cabana?.

I feel sorry for James Blunt, he has to wake up every morning and think 'Oh my God, I'm James Blunt, what have I done?'.

The hotel I'm in has a lovely closet. A nail..

My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator..

I married a German. Every night I dress up as Poland and he invades me..

A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, "Doc, how do I stand?" The doctor says, "That's what puzzles me!".

Getting on a plane, I told the ticket lady, "Send one of my bags to New York, send one to Los Angeles, and send one to Miami." She said, "We can't do….

Welcome to the O2. A unique building in Dublin, in that it is actually finished..

She must have Egyptian blood. Every time I try to kiss her she says, "Tut, Tut!".

Any man today who returns from work, sinks into a chair, and calls for his pipe is a man with an appetite for danger..

I am Zebedee, lord of the woods! Bow down snail, I have dominion!.

Ever notice that people who believe in creationism look really unevolved? Eyes real close together, big furry hands and feet. "I believe God created ….