It's curtains for you, Mighty Mouse! This gun is so futuristic that even I don't know how it works!.

All humor is based on hostility - that's why World War Two was funny..

I have insecurities of course, but I don't hang out with anyone who points them out to me..

You've got to take the sour with the bitter..

Tell them to stand closer apart..

I don't think anyone should write their autobiography until after they're dead..

Give me a smart idiot over a stupid genius any day..

You'll be richer in the end than a prince, if you're a friend..

It is true, I worry about the hype. The only person more over-hyped than me is you..

People have been asking me if I was going to have kids, and I had puppies instead..

Humanism was not invented by man, but by a snake who suggested that the quest for autonomy might be a good idea..

That's the funniest thing about portraying certain things on screen, sitting next to your parents and they get to see this glimpse of me kissing anot….

A funny thing happens in real estate. When it comes back, it comes back up like gangbusters..

If the Japanese want to be taken seriously as world financial powers, they'd better quit using the same tailor as variety show chimps..

Taxi drivers all over the world, by the way, are under Newspaper Guild contract to give easy quotes to foreign correspondents..

It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawn mower, snowblower and vacuum cleaner..

Find a job you like and you add five days to every week..

It is great to be a blonde. With low expectations it's very easy to surprise people..

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits and then complain that he's not the man she married?.

Every time I see an adult on a bicycle, I no longer despair for the future of the human race..

I've been fortunate - I haven't had too many auditions. I slept with the right people..