Quotes on Funny

I think we're all good and bad, but good's not funny. Bad is funny. Suppress the good and let the bad out, and then you can be funny.

To catch a husband is an art; to hold him is a job.

On rare occasions one does hear of a miraculous case of a married couple falling in love after marriage, but on close examination it will be found that it is a mere adjustment to the inevitable.

The Statue of Liberty is no longer saying, 'Give me your poor, your tired, your huddled masses.' She's got a baseball bat and yelling, 'You want a piece of me?'

Any man whose errors take ten years to correct is quite a man.

Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.

Arguments are to be avoided: they are always vulgar and often convincing.

If the world was perfect, it wouldn't be.

To see what is right and not to do it is want of courage, or of principle.

It's funny: Your relationship changes with a song over time. After a year or so, you're a different person, so your songs, you don't connect with them like you did.

Human beings can be beautiful. If they are not beautiful it is entirely their own fault. It is what they do to themselves that makes them ugly. The longer I live the more beautiful life becomes. If you foolishly ignore beauty, you will soon find yourself without it.

Not everyone is comfortable with the kissing ritual. My husband is one of them. Her refuses to press lips with anyone except his wife, mother, and dog. If someone wanted to give him mouth-to-mouth resuscitation, he would refuse until he had been formally introduced.

I had this dream, and I really wanted to be a star. And I was almost a monster in the way that I was really fearless with my ambitions.

So you think that money is the root of all evil. Have you ever asked what is the root of all money?

Always read something that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

You know why dogs have no money? No pockets. 'Cause they see change on the street all the time and it's driving them crazy. When you're walking them, he is always looking up at you. "There's a quarter...."

There are two motives for reading a book; one, that you enjoy it; the other, that you can boast about it.

Anytime you see a turtle up on top of a fence post, you know he had some help.

Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.

All men are frauds. The only difference between them is that some admit it. I myself deny it.

There is nothing the matter with Americans except their ideals. The real American is all right; it is the ideal American who is all wrong.