Occupation: Comedienne Birth: July 17, 1917 Death: August 20, 2012
Once Fang took pep pills and they worked - the only time he ever ran to bed..
The only thing my husband and I have in common is that we were married on the same day..
A stand-up comic is judged by every line. Singers get applause at the end of their song no matter how bad they are..
Before you get married you should meet your fiance's parents. It is not enough that you like his parole officer..
Once my husband said to me, 'I'm going to have some coffee. Do you want me to put some hot water on for you?' I thought that was the least he could d….
I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap?.
get married with the feeling it is going to last. Not like the bride I know who doubled the wedding cake recipe and froze one..
My house used to be haunted, but the ghosts haven't been back since the night I tried on all my wigs..
Just because I have rice on my clothes doesn't mean I've been to a wedding. A Chinese man threw up on me..
My mother hated me. Once she took me to an orphanage and told me to mingle.
All mothers are working mothers..
Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away from children..
There's so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto..
Comedy is tragedy revisited..
No matter what time your guests arrive, pretend they're early, so naturally you're not ready..
Fang and I are always fighting. When we get up in the morning, we don't kiss; we touch gloves..
[On plastic surgery:] When I die, God won't know me. There are no two parts of my body the same age..
I don’t want to sound like I’m on dope, but that hour is a high; it’s as good as you can feel. A wonderful, wonderful happiness, and great power..
For Fang, getting out of bed in the morning is a career move..
What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day..
We named all our children Kid. Well, they have different first names, like Hey Kid, You Kid, Dumb Kid . . ..