Occupation: Comedienne Birth: July 17, 1917 Death: August 20, 2012
When I go to the beach, even the tide won't come in..
I am descended from a very long line my mother once foolishly listened to..
Remember, only a policeman is allowed to express himself on an expressway..
Life began on this planet when the first amoeba split. Mankind will still be seeking God, not accepting that God is a spirit; can't see it, touch it,….
I once wore a peekaboo blouse. People would peek and then they’d boo..
Health - what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down..
I was so wrinkled I could screw my hats on..
Our dog died from licking our wedding picture..
My husband always felt that a marriage and career don't mix. That's why he's never worked..
Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going..
Remarrying a husband you've divorced is like having your appendix put back in..
I'm the only woman who can walk in Central Park at night... and reduce the crime rate..
The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron..
You know you're old when your walker has an airbag..
Too many comics today ramble. By the time they get to the punch line, the audience has either gone to sleep, gone to the bathroom or gone to bed..
My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor..
Never refer to your wedding night as the original amateur hour..
I honestly believe there is absolutely nothing like going to bed with a good #book; or a friend who's #read one..
It's true Fang and I fight, but we've never gone to bed mad. Of course, one year we were up for three months..
I don't know how you feel about old age... but in my case I didn't even see it coming. It hit me from the rear..
My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee..