Avoid using the word 'very' because it's lazy. A man is not very tired, he is exhausted. Don't use very sad, use morose. Language was invented for on….

Never go to Pluto, it's a Mickey Mouse planet..

Lance Armstrong pushes the envelope in terms of the human experience. You can have a personal best, you can push your own envelope. For Lance, the pe….

I went to rehab [for alcoholism] in wine country, just to keep my options open..

Self-reliance is the key to a vigorous life. A man must look inward to find his own answers..

I feel like I'm a big human snot..

There's a time for daring and there's a time for caution, and a wise man understands which is called for..

We were totally opposite - me coming from the West Coast and a junior college, and him [ Christopher Reeve] from the hard-core Ivy League. He used to….

Compassionate conservative. I don't know what that is, it sounds like a Volvo with a gun rack..

It's cheaper to keep her..

Stand-up is the place where you can do things that you could never do in public..

Decaf is like masturbating with an oven mitt!.

Mr. Keating: Carpe Diem! Sieze the day!.

Look at airport security now. What started out as definite racial profiling is now where the computer picks a name. That's why you get a seven-month-….

Women are incredibly intuitive. If anybody on the planet is going to evolve to the next level, that telekinetic thing, women will..

Freud: If it's not one thing, it's your mother.

It's great that we've got a compassionate conservative, but to me, that sounds like a Volvo with a gun rack..

Look at the walls of Pompeii. That's what got the internet started..

But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for..

I always thought the idea of education was to learn to think for yourself..

If you listen real close, you can hear them whisper their legacy to you. Go on, lean in. Listen, you hear it? Carpe diem, seize the day boys, make ….