Gentiles are people who eat mayonnaise for no reason..

I don't practice anything. I spend time looking over ideas and then just get out and do it..

Don't mess with me, man, I'm a lawyer!.

Politics: Poli a Latin word meaning many and tics meaning bloodsucking creatures..

We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture..

You have an internal critic, an internal drive that says, 'OK, you can do more.' Maybe that's what keeps you going..

2020. There'll be cold fusion. We'll actually be able to power our cars with our own feces. That's right. The emissions problem will be a little inte….

Cable is not bound because people pay for it. It's literally a choice, that's the operative word. If you don't like the language, if cocksucker offen….

Compassionate conservative, that's like having a gun rack on a Volvo..

The idea of the industrial fishing affects everyone. Those factory ships play this game of hit and run with the international fishing limits, and som….

I basically started performing for my mother, going, 'Love me!' What drives you to perform is the need for that primal connection. When I was litt….

I can see it now: Osama bin Laden goes up to the pearly gates where George Washington comes out, starts beating him and is then joined by 70 other me….

There's this thing called freebasing. It's not free, it costs you your home. It should be called 'homebasing'..

I couldn't imagine living the way I used to live. Now people come up to me from the drug days and go, 'Hi, remember me?' And I'm going, 'No, did I ha….

They're talking about partial nuclear disarmament, which is also like talking about partial circumcision - you either go all the way or forget it..

Avoid using the word 'very' because it's lazy. A man is not very tired, he is exhausted. Don't use very sad, use morose. Language was invented for on….

We're dealing with fundamentalists... the Amish are fundamentalists, but they don't try and hijack a carriage at needlepoint. And, if you're ever in ….

Taking Viagra after open heart surgery is like a Civil War re-enactment with live ammo. Not good..

As an alcoholic, you will violate your standards quicker than you can lower them..

Incoming is not the thing you want to hear at Christmas..

Never go to Pluto, it's a Mickey Mouse planet..