The meek may inherit the earth, but they don't get in to Harvard..

When the Williams sisters play tennis, it gets pretty hot. When they start grunting, I'm in..

You're best when you're not in charge. The ego locks the muse..

I only ever play Vegas one night at a time..

Canadian money is also called the loony. How can you take an economic crisis seriously?.

Real loss is only possible when you love something more than you love yourself..

It doesn't matter who you are, if you've got the legs, you can hang with them..

I'm sorry, if you were right, I'd agree with you..

Sometimes with a comedy it's just having the instinct of how real you play it and what level you want it..

The Second Amendment says we have the right to bear arms, not to bear artillery..

Life is fleeting. And if you're ever distressed, cast your eyes to the summer sky when when the stars are strung across the velvety night. And when a….

I want to do a movie, but it has to be the right movie, whether it's independent or a studio movie. I'm much more open to being a supporting actor. A….

Jamie Kilstein is amazing and I will be spreading the word. He has the spark that energized my conscience. We need more comedians kicking it hard the….

With a bike you go from zero to a hundred in terms of mobility..

You might say he was one taco short of a combination platter..

My childhood was lonely. Both my parents were away a lot, working, and the maid basically raised me. And I think that's where a lot of my comedy come….

It's always great when you want scientific fact to get a really good science fiction writer to talk to you about it..

Montovani? They play Montovani to insomniacs that don't respond to strong drugs.

If we were interested in making money, we wouldn't have become teachers..

You're going to the cemetery with your toothbrush. How Egyptian.

What some folks call impossible is just stuff they haven't seen before..