The service at this airport restaurant is so bad I'm starting to panic that I'm a ghost..

In Milwaukee last month a man died laughing over one of his own jokes. That's what makes it so tough for us outsiders. We have to fight home competit….

An infallible method of conciliating a tiger is to allow oneself to be devoured..

Humor, however broad and genial, takes a narrower view than enthusiasm..

You might as well fall flat on your face as lean over too far backward..

I'm a member of the working press; you'd think I'd know better than to listen to journalists..

When I was a kid, I used to imagine animals running under my bed. I told my dad, and he solved the problem quickly. He cut the legs off the bed..

A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice..

Give me a guitar and I'll play; give me a stage and I'll perform; give me an auditorium and I'll fill it..

In Western Australia they don't even know how to make that vital piece of sailboating equipment, the gin and tonic..

Trust is hard to come by. That's why my circle is small and tight. I'm kind of funny about making new friends..

We have a habit in writing articles published in scientific journals to make the work as finished as possible, to cover up all the tracks, to not wor….

The typical old-fashioned diet (in the nineteenth century) was so bad it almost assembled modern dieting..

Old is always fifteen years from now..

I can't control the wind but I can adjust the sail..

The place of the father in the modern suburban family is a very small one, particularly if he plays golf..

I got my start in silent radio..

The lunatic fringe wags the underdog..

A miniature village in Bournemouth caught fire and the flames could be seen nearly three feet away..

I feel very humble, but I think I have the strength of character to fight it..

Some people put us down. But I still haven't heard of any Americans trying to swim across the border into Mexico!.